come, let us return to the Lord

Jeremy and I have been engaged for a little over 2 months now and...wow, I am ENGAGED!!...I have still yet to get use to that word and the magnitude of it.  Since my relationship with Jeremy began, I can say that my view of my relationship with God has expanded and deepened.  

Jeremy teaches me the other attributes of God that I would have no understanding about without him.  Jeremy teaches me about the holiness of God through this "other".  Holy in the hebrew scriptures would have meant something like:  other.  To make this more clear, when we say, "the Lord is Holy, Holy, Holy", we are actually saying, "the Lord is so much of what I am not".  God is perfect and good and I, so many times, am "other".  

Jeremy shows me the other attributes of God by being the man God created him to be.  His strength draws out the very life within me.  He shows me the strong, protective, providing, and leading characteristics of God in a way that I could not understand without him.  And as much good as he shows me, this also continuously makes me see where I am miserably wrapped up in myself.  I am incredibly selfish when it comes to loving others and loving God.  I see where I am focusing more on my own wants rather than looking to the needs of others.  And this should not be the way I am acting.  I am called to care for others and to have the mind of Christ...

your attitude should be the same as that of Christ Jesus....

The more I realize my selfishness, my constant betrayal of God, I realize the depths of the hurts that I cause Him.  I show my disbelief in Him when I constantly look to things of this world to give me satisfaction.  I think that something in this world can give me more pleasure than the very One Who created me.  And so the Hosea story continues...me cheating on my God, my Love.  Me being selfish and not having the mind that says:  He satisfies.  

Father, that my mind be transformed into the likeness of Yours.    That I would decrease and allow you to increase.  That I would learn to love Jeremy with the same selfless love you offer to him.  That I would learn to love you with Love that is even more.  Amen.

you may say i'm a dreamer, but i'm not the only one...

     I need to start writing again.  I feel that a part of me has been lost since I quit writing or journaling or expressing myself in any form of written communication.  Writing to me is like like having a million pieces of life scattered on the ground and putting them all together as one beautiful picture.  Life is a beautiful mess at times that simply needs to be straightened out and somehow understood.  Like most people I know, I want to be understood and connected to the people around me.  And this is where you, my readers, come in.  You may not always understand my writings (or agree with them), but I hope that in some way you are moved or challenged.  If nothing else, I hope that you feel a sense of community in reading another person's perspective on life.  Because, I do not want to sound all John Lennon, but I believe we are all connected in some way.  Our Creator designed us to desire community and in our individualistic society, community is in need of a great revival.  "..and I hope some day you'll join us and the world will live as one." -John Lennon

"And they devoted themselves to the apostles' teaching and fellowship, to the breaking of bread and the prayers.  And awe came upon every soul, and many wonders and signs were being done through the apostles.  And all who believed were together and had all things in common.  And they were selling their possessions and belongings and distributing the proceeds to all, as any had need.  And day by day, attending the temple together and breaking bread in their homes, they received their food with glad and generous hearts, praising God and having favor with all the people.  And the Lord added to their number day by day those who were being saved."