"For I am sure that neither death nor life, nor angels nor rulers, nor things present nor things to come, nor powers, nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord." Romans 8:38-39
Honesty: For too long now, I have gone throughout my day without as much as an acknowledgment of my God. Sure, I have read about Him, discussed Him amongst my friends and husband, wrote about Him in my papers, and learned many things about Him from my pastor and professors. But as for me, I have not conversed with Him, read about Him for the sake of knowing Him more, or acknowledged that I was even interested in Him. This is far from being in a relationship with someone. And the more days that went by where I did not acknowledge Him, the more I would feel guilty and choose to not come before Him until I had something to give to Him. I am an American plagued by the pains of a guilt-driven society, where we feel we have to prove our worth to people by the successes we have, the people we know, and the status we are able to keep. I had become subject to the American dream. I got married, bought a house, am about to graduate from college, and am looking for a job to meet my financial needs. Somewhere in between being told I need to academically excel and the pressures of being financially secure, I lost track of who I was in Christ and the success I have in Him.
Change: Change came about a month ago when I realized that my pride was seeping its way between my God and me. What do I have to bring to God? Myself. Is that self broken? Absolutely. Does God love my broken self? Undeniably so...because He is the One Who can mend my broken self back together again. I felt as though I had been trying to come to God while trying to hide my broken pieces behind my back. My heart was torn because of the arrows in my heart and yet I was hiding trying to come before God looking like I was perfect. Thank God He can see straight through my pride and into my brokenness to the true heart of me. Thank God I married a man who can also see through my emotions and pride of trying to look perfect to the world to see a girl in need of her God and not of the things of this world. And thank God I have a group of friends who are believers and can sense when I have gone astray and am in need of prayer, encouragement, and change. Change in my life occurred when I was on my way home one night crying out to God and admitting that I felt broken, that I was not perfect and that I felt that I had been tricked by the world and by the church. The church told me to grow up and follow Christ, yet I felt as if to do this, I had to be perfect. Grace was not an option. Failure was not an option. People who were broken were failures. This just did not line up with the Christ I studied about in the Scriptures. And grace is offered freely to those who are broken and God's strength is made perfect in brokenness...in weakness. It's amazing the amount of freedom that is found when grace is discovered.
A new season: Rediscovering my purpose in Christ, admitting my weaknesses to Him and to people around me, allowing His healing to begin in my life, and allowing His grace to pour over me has been freeing. There is no other word. I am so not perfect. I have made mistakes that shock myself at times when they cross my mind. I cannot use my imperfections to be an excuse for me not going to God, not being in a relationship with Him, not loving Him and serving Him like He deserves. He knows my imperfections and died for my sake anyway. Love abides in Him. A new season comes when things around us change. The leaves wither away and fall to the ground to die in Autumn and Winter, but Spring is near. New life occurs in Spring. A new beginning to a relationship that has felt the sting of Winter's cold. This new season will be full of change, healing, and growth. God has already revealed so much of Himself in this new season of my life. My life is a small, broken fragment of what will be used to display the glory of God to the world. And I thank God He is working through me, I thank God that I cannot be separated from His love, and I thank God that He is willing to be patient with me as I learn what it means to love Him in return.
