for Your splendor

I think it’s time for Jeremy and I to give a life update to our friends and family (and all you other facebook acquaintances who are simply curious).

[the house]: In case you didn’t know, Jeremy and I bought a house in 2008. When we bought this house, we honestly thought we would stay in it for three years, sell it, make money, and move to seminary. That was “the plan.”

Well, as we all know, the housing market took quite a tumble in 2008; therefore, leaving us stranded in our house. Through this, there have been many tears shed, many questions asked, and our hearts have been torn over the realization that we are not moving out Birmingham for a while now.

[courtney’s job]: In 2011, I started working for a great non-profit called WMU. WMU specializes in the development of missions resources, the publication of Christian literature, and helping artisans around the world through the sale of fair-trade products.

In this job, I get to read missionaries’ stories all the time, gain ideas for reaching others in my community, and develop missions curriculum for young adult women. Plus, I get to work with an amazing group of women and men committed to making disciples of all nations. I’m in a great place.

[a new season]: As many of you know, Jeremy has taught in the Shelby County school system for over four years. He has been a JV boys’ and Varsity girls’ basketball coach. He’s a great educator with a passion for students and kids. But his true passion is to teach the Word.

Jeremy and I began praying for God to open doors for us to serve more in our community. We were thinking that meant potentially changing churches or beginning to serve in a new ministry. God had other ideas.

At the end of April (this year), someone who was on a search committee approached Jeremy because they were looking for a part-time youth minister. After much prayer and consideration, Jeremy quit his coaching position and took this job.

That position was at a wonderful church where we loved the people and students. However, Jeremy began longing to teach the Word and be a minister full-time. We began to pray for God to open a door to make this happen. I mentioned this to a close friend, and she said her church was actually looking at hiring a full-time children’s and youth pastor.

[A long story short]: After much prayer and seeking the counsel of those closest to us, Jeremy has now quit his full-time teaching position to take a full-time position of Youth, Children, and Community Outreach Minister at Riverchase Baptist Church in Hoover. We could not be more excited. This position provides him the opportunity to use his gifts and abilities to serve the Lord and people. And he will have the opportunity to begin seminary in the near future. This position is honestly perfect for Jeremy. I see so many opportunities for him to use his talents and abilities to serve this community. I praise God that He opened this door for Jeremy’s job to be a minister.

I never thought I wanted to be a minister’s wife because I wanted to be a minister or missionary, yet I have found that I am as much a part of this process as he is. I am sure I will learn more as time passes of the joys and challenges of being a minister’s wife. It’s a new adventure within itself. As I have prayed about my role in this process, I have found that I consider myself a minister to the minister. And I am content with this role.

I will start my masters in education (with a concentration in school counseling) in a couple weeks. If you know me, you know I've worked with students and kids since I was a youth. This is something the Lord has laid on my heart as my love for children and students only grows (especially with Jeremy taking on this new role). I cannot wait to see where the Lord leads with this new journey.

[what about doing missions?]: One question I have heard from a few people is, “Are you and Jeremy still going overseas?” My answer is, “I don’t know.” It’s not that we are not willing. Because we are. It’s not that we don’t “have a heart for it.” Because we do. It’s simply that the Lord has not opened that door for us at this time. We have a great desire to serve God overseas in an intercultural setting, yet see plenty of opportunity to serve Him here where He has placed us. Since that desire has not disappeared yet, I see this as something the Lord will reveal to us in His time.

There are days I am anxious over this—not going overseas right now. There are other days I am incredibly thankful for the time we have here with our friends and family and now our new church family. I know He has created me to serve Him and I know I enjoy working in diverse settings. I simply don’t know what the future holds anymore other than serving Him where He leads. And I believe this is enough.

What I do know is that our new church family makes my heart happy to be right where I am. I can see the Lord moving in this body of people to make disciples in the Hoover area and around the world. I get excited when thinking about working with students and children. I am full of joy when I think of my husband getting to use his God-given creativity to teach others about our God. And I am overwhelmed when I think of serving God and others alongside my husband.

I have found comfort in the Old Testament stories lately. Especially the ones where God would give someone a specific calling, yet not bring that calling to fruition until much later and sometimes in a different way than initially thought. One of the greatest stories is Abraham and Sarah’s. The Lord said, “Go to the land I will show you” and Abraham went. The Lord said, “Go and sacrifice your son” and Abraham rose. The Lord continuously led Abraham to situations that seemed so counter from the original calling, yet it was all for His glory. And the faith of Abraham was astounding.

I pray Jeremy and I continue to go where the Lord leads and do as the Lord commands. I pray we continue to see opportunities to serve others and tell them about His love. I pray we have faith to trust His leadership over our lives. And I pray my soul finds rest and peace as we live our life fully here. Although it isn’t what I thought it would be. Although “I never thought I wanted to be a minister’s wife,” He is teaching us His path.

And I’m learning that His ways are better than my own.

“In hope he [Abraham] believed against hope, that he should become the father of many nations, as he had been told, “So shall your offspring be.” He did not weaken in faith when he considered his own body, which was as good as dead (since he was about a hundred years old), or when he considered the barrenness of Sarah's womb. No unbelief made him waver concerning the promise of God, but he grew strong in his faith as he gave glory to God, fully convinced that God was able to do what he had promised” (Romans 4:18-21).

-From a minister’s wife

23...a year of growth and change

I love to write.

You may not be able to see this due to my lack of motivation to update my blog; but ask anyone who knows me best and they will tell you that I am a writer.

A review of the past year:
After Jeremy and I got back from Canada, we processed the trip and the time we spent there. We had a whirlwind of emotions coming back to real life once again. We longed to sell our house, move to Boston, and go to seminary so we could go overseas quickly.

Yet God's timing is not our's; and He has us in Birmingham for a reason beyond our understanding.

We cannot sell our house. We could sell our house, but the loss we would have to take is too great of one and would be a constant financial strain on our marriage for many years to come. So we wait. Impatiently at times. Relying on Him to direct our path and show us where to go and what to do.

This time has been frustrating, confusing, and stressful at times. We have good intentions—to go overseas and make disciples of all nations. How could God allow us to be trapped here if we had such good intentions.

Yet He is saying, "Wait only upon Me." And so this time of waiting has turned into a time of growth...and change. My dreams have become less and less important when compared to His glory among all peoples. I do think He will eventually bring my dreams into fruition, but it will be with Him receiving all the glory and will not be because of anything I do.

Jeremy and I see this time as a time of intentional growth: toward each other, toward God, toward those we love. This may not be our ideal place to be. But it is where God has us and we do not want to waste this time.

So we invest: in each other, in our small groups, in the students at Pelham High School, in the people in downtown Birmingham, in WMU, in our church family, in our friends, in our family, and in those we are surrounded by. This has brought me the most joy. God does not call us to a place; He calls us to Himself and to tell others about Him.

"The story about the forest is so much more important than the story about the tree."

I'm learning that this life will be different than what I originally planned or thought. But it is good. And it is right. And I am learning to trust Him and His ways. And I am growing closer to Him each day and I walk this journey with Him and with my husband. And I am thankful for this time (I may need people to remind me of this), but I am truly thankful for this time in life to rest, to read, to write, to respond to Him, and to love on His people around me.

"So we have come to know and to believe the love that God has for us. God is love, and those who live in love live in God, and God lives in them." -1 John 4:16

this is an emergency

Unreached.
More...unknown.
These are the concepts that caused my heart to break yesterday.  As of a year ago, I had never heard of Cape Breton Island.  I did not know that on one side of their island, there were 22,000 people and only 275 believers.  That is 1.25% believers.  There are three "evangelical churches" on this side of the island.  One started by Margaree Baptist (the church we are working with) and including itself.  How desperate are we for the glory of God to spread among all nations and people groups?  Do we even know the full reality of the unreached and unknown people groups out there?  How many more Cape Breton Islands are there in the world?  The reality of this is breaking my heart for the lost of this world.  And who are we?  That we have hundreds of churches in one town when billions of people around the world have never heard of Christ.  Do we understand this?  Why does this not bother all of us more? 

The past few weeks have been a rollercoaster of emotions for Jeremy and me.  Jeremy's grandfather passed away last week and gave us a sad reminder of the cost of missions.  Jeremy was close to his grandfather.  I told him that day, "You might have the looks of your other grandfather, but you had the character of this one."  We could not go home to be with his family, yet fully knew and understood that God has us here right now for a reason.  And our Lord has provided unbeliveable strength to my husband this past week as he preached about discipleship and the sacrifice needed to follow Christ only days after his grandfather passed away. 

We have both been praying continuously since we got here.  The word "isolated" fills almost every sentence when you talk with someone about their relationship with Christ.  They do not see many believers coming here.  And when they do, you are welcomed with open arms willing to embrace a brother or sister and joyful to see that there are others out there who worship the same God they do.  We take it for granted...having so many believers surrounding us.  They were shocked when we told them how we attend a 4,000 member church, but that it is one of hundreds of churches in our area and probably not the biggest.  They responded:  if only half of the believers in your area would go out, the gospel would spread dramatically and it could radically change their island.  If only ten or fifteen families or missionaries moved to this island, the island would be changed. 

And they understand that the only breakdown in missions is when people do not speak the gospel.  And they pray for their own church to be disciple-makers, but they are still in the process of training their own people. 

We drove the Cabot Trail last week.  I kept telling Jeremy that I think this is what heaven will look like and that I will one day see Jesus on top of one of the clifts and He will embrace me with a warm embrace as the cool wind covers both of us.  It was breathtaking.

The scenery could not have been better, but people asked us what we thought of the trail when we got back and we continued to say, "It's gorgeous, but every town is so far away from the next and the people on the far side of the island are so incredibly isolated."  It took us about five hours to get around the whole trail.  There are a couple of believers on the other side of the trail who would have to drive at least three hours to get to another believer.  

This trip continues to not be close to what I expected, but it is turning into something much greater than I could have thought.  I am learning that God requires much more out of us if we are to follow Him.  I am learning that the rest of the world (even a developed, English-speaking country) is vastly different from the southern United Stated as far as Christianity goes.  And I am learning that His plan for all nations to glorify Him involved us spreading His name among all nations.  

I have not listened to Leeland's "Tears of the Saints" in quite some time.  I listened to it almost every day my freshman year of college and am sure I drove my roommate crazy with it.  I also burnt myself out on it.  But this week, I could not get it off my mind.  This is an emergency.  People perishing without knowledge of their God and no hope of hearing about it is an emergency.  God not receiving glory from those for which He died is an emergency.  My prayer this week is not that God would just bring you to Cape Breton (although, it would be great if He sent you here), but it is that we (as believers in the US) would open our eyes to the lost world...those unreached, those we have never even heard about...and that this would grip our hearts and burden us to a point of going out to seek them.  Cape Breton is just one island that is unreached and unknown.  How many more people are out there who we have simply not heard about?  The thought is overwhelming.  

Father, that we would want the world to glorify You because You are worthy.  Give us eyes to see the lost around us and a burden to seek those who have never heard.  Let us not hoard the gospel to ourselves, but want to tell it to those who are separated from You.  Let us see that we play a part in Your plan of making disciples of all nations...all of us.  You deserve the glory You are due. 

the harvest is plentiful, but the workers are few

the drive:  long, exhausting, adventureous, and hilarious.  jeremy and i had a unique trip up the east coast.  sometimes we would go crazy from sitting in the car for so long.  we laughed, we talked, we sang at the tops of our lungs.  we divided up the drive by going to d.c. for four days so mr. simpson could go to washington, stopped in augusta, maine, in time to make the midnight showing of "eclipse" and sleep, then continued until we got to cape breton.  although, we did make a pit-stop on the way: 

that's right....carlo's bakery.  an hour and a half wait for some yummy pastries.  this little detour later caused us to get stuck in new york traffic for five hours.  what an experience...but well worth the trip. 

the carmichael's:  while in cape breton, we are staying with two of the most amazing people in the world.  sharon reminds me of my grandmother on my mom's side and jimmy reminds me of my dad.  both incredibly caring and so hospitable as they gave up their home to us this summer.  they are feeding us well and making sure that our every need is met.  amazing people showing us the love of Christ through their servanthood. 

cape breton:  i know i have mentioned before the amount of belivers to non-believers in cape breton, but let me just say that it is a lot worse than i thought.  "the harvest is plentiful, but the workers are few" is the perfect phrase for this island.  these people speak english, live in a developed country, and most have never heard the name of Christ.  the beauty of this island is unspeakable:

jeremy and i have gone to the beach almost every day since we got here.  the high cliffs mixed with the beautiful ocean makes for an enjoyable scene as we pray for the island and the people here.  after talking with both the pastor and his wife, hugh and tracey, and the outreach pastor and his wife, pierre and marie, we have come to a conclusion that this island needs more believers to come here and devote their life to spreading the gospel among this island.  we will be utilizing all of our resources in spreading the word about this island as well as working on a project for hugh that will include ethnographic research to be used in their own ministries as well as in requesting more help. 

imagine a place with ten or more communities and each community holds about 2000-4500 people and in some communities there may be 120 believers, some 60, some none.  If this were occurring in the south in the u.s., many churches and people would flock to this area and begin to plant churches here.  we need to broaden our vision beyond our comforts and our borders and begin to reach out to a lost world.  if a few couples or families would move here and dedicate their time to reaching out to people and discipling people and pastoring new churches, the gospel would spread.  the harvest is ready.  and this is not a hard island to live on.  it would be perfect for the outdoorsmen/women.  the churches here are extremely friendly and welcoming.  please begin to pray with us about getting the news of this island spread so believers may know about the urgency of this place. 

preparation:

graduation is now 4 days away.  i do not know what i will be doing in august, and for the time being, i am not worried about it.  jeremy and i plan on staying around birmingham for at least a couple of years while we sell our house and save money for future endeavors.  we will begin looking into seminaries (for jeremy) and graduate schools (for me) this summer.  first up, gordon-conwell seminary and boston university.  we will stop by these schools on our way back from nova scotia.  

we are definitely going to nova scotia!  financial support has been raised and God has opened the door even more for us to go.  here is a video of nova scotia for your enjoyment:  

the road going through the hillside is the cabot trail and that is the road we will be circling all summer as we build relationships with people all over cape breton island.  

canada is somewhere neither of us have ever been, but both of us understand the need for the gospel here.  nova scotia is a place i have always wanted to go. the beauty of the island and the simplicity of the people match my personality perfectly.  God has created that island to be a special place.  i need only to remind people of their Creator and the care He has for them.  when i think of my task this summer, i first think of romans 1:19-21, "For what can be known about God is plain to them, because God has shown it to them. For his invisible attributes, namely, his eternal power and divine nature, have been clearly perceived, ever since the creation of the world, in the things that have been made. So they are without excuse.  For although they knew God, they did not honor him as God or give thanks to him, but they became futile in their thinking, and their foolish hearts were darkened."

Paul's language here sounds very strong and stern, yet we are not without excuse either.  How much of our day is surrounded with God's beauty and we never see it...we never see Him...we never acknowledge Him.  We because pointless in our thinking. We have a routine and we stick to it, yet the beauty and glory of our Creator is all around us if we would only open our eyes to it.  

I also think of romans 10:14-17, "How then will they call on him in whom they have not believed? And how are they to believe in him of whom they have never heard? And how are they to hear without someone preaching? 15 And how are they to preach unless they are sent? As it is written, “How beautiful are the feet of those who preach the good news!” But they have not all obeyed the gospel. For Isaiah says, “Lord, who has believed what he has heard from us?” So faith comes from hearing, and hearing through the word of Christ."

These verses are often cited when thinking about missions...and in my opinion, they very well should be.  the only breakdown in these verses occur we when do not preach.  we have been promised that whoever calls on the name of the Lord will be able to believe in Him; that if people hear, they will believe; and that if we preach, people will hear.  but what about the part that says, "And how are they to preach unless they are sent?"  we are being sent.  all we have to do is preach Truth.  

-i ask that you begin to pray for jeremy and i as we prepare our minds and hearts for preaching in nova scotia.  
-i ask that you pray that we speak only Truth and preach only Christ that our words would be useless and His be heard.
-i ask that you pray for the Holy Spirit to be ever close to us and open people's hearts to be receptive to their God.  
-i ask that you pray that God is glorified above all and ask Him to open our eyes to Him all around us.  

to the only wise God be glory forevermore through Jesus Christ! Amen.-romans 16:27

a nova scotian summer.

In lieu of reading: I need to be reading, but spring break has me incredibly relaxed and my mind thinks it is summertime already. Instead of reading about using journalistic techniques to add impact to my sermons, I am going to share about me and Jeremy's summer plans.

When Jeremy and I worked camp last summer, I served as the Missions Mobilizer and spent the summer encouraging students and adults to pray, give, and go to the Roma people in Europe and the Canadians in Canada. Somewhere in between preparing for the summer and week 6 of teaching about these people groups, my heart grew heavy for our "neighbors to the north".

As the summer went on, and Jeremy heard me talk about Canada and the need for the gospel in this area in the world, something inside of his heart grew heavy for Canadians as well. We both were praying about going to Canada and did not mention it to each other until one day, Jeremy told me that we should seriously consider going there next summer. I told him I was already praying about it and he smiled...he had been doing the same.

When we got back from camp, we began looking up ministry opportunities in Canada through NAMB. We came across a church in Nova Scotia, Canada, who was looking for a married couple to come and minister to people around an island called Cape Breton.

As of now, we are in the process of raising financial support. When we go, we will serve with a local church on Cape Breton island. We will spend about five weeks there helping the pastor and his wife begin and strengthen new churches around the island. The pastor has a vision to reach out into 6 different communities around the island so Jeremy and I will be leading groups into these different areas to begin building relationships with people in order to build a community of believers. We believe that discipleship is key and will be investing a lot of our time into encouraging and discipling the people of the local church. The church will remain there after we are gone and will be able to further the gospel into the lives of the people they interact with each day. They will be the ones to disciple people and spread the gospel all across Nova Scotia and then all across Canada. Spirituality in Canada is dying quickly with the emergence of a post- modern culture.

Facts about Cape Breton:
-The church we are working with was started in 1835 and has about 120 members
-Cape Breton has about 105,000 people, but only about 1,000 believers (less than 1%)
-Within a six hour drive around the island, there are only two small evangelical churches
-Cape Breton holds one of North America's most scenic roads, the Cabot Trail (the picture above)

I will continue to give updates about our trip as the time grows closer. As for now, partner with us in prayer for the people of Cape Breton.

a new season: spring is near

"For I am sure that neither death nor life, nor angels nor rulers, nor things present nor things to come, nor powers, nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord." Romans 8:38-39

Honesty: For too long now, I have gone throughout my day without as much as an acknowledgment of my God. Sure, I have read about Him, discussed Him amongst my friends and husband, wrote about Him in my papers, and learned many things about Him from my pastor and professors. But as for me, I have not conversed with Him, read about Him for the sake of knowing Him more, or acknowledged that I was even interested in Him. This is far from being in a relationship with someone. And the more days that went by where I did not acknowledge Him, the more I would feel guilty and choose to not come before Him until I had something to give to Him. I am an American plagued by the pains of a guilt-driven society, where we feel we have to prove our worth to people by the successes we have, the people we know, and the status we are able to keep. I had become subject to the American dream. I got married, bought a house, am about to graduate from college, and am looking for a job to meet my financial needs. Somewhere in between being told I need to academically excel and the pressures of being financially secure, I lost track of who I was in Christ and the success I have in Him.

Change: Change came about a month ago when I realized that my pride was seeping its way between my God and me. What do I have to bring to God? Myself. Is that self broken? Absolutely. Does God love my broken self? Undeniably so...because He is the One Who can mend my broken self back together again. I felt as though I had been trying to come to God while trying to hide my broken pieces behind my back. My heart was torn because of the arrows in my heart and yet I was hiding trying to come before God looking like I was perfect. Thank God He can see straight through my pride and into my brokenness to the true heart of me. Thank God I married a man who can also see through my emotions and pride of trying to look perfect to the world to see a girl in need of her God and not of the things of this world. And thank God I have a group of friends who are believers and can sense when I have gone astray and am in need of prayer, encouragement, and change. Change in my life occurred when I was on my way home one night crying out to God and admitting that I felt broken, that I was not perfect and that I felt that I had been tricked by the world and by the church. The church told me to grow up and follow Christ, yet I felt as if to do this, I had to be perfect. Grace was not an option. Failure was not an option. People who were broken were failures. This just did not line up with the Christ I studied about in the Scriptures. And grace is offered freely to those who are broken and God's strength is made perfect in brokenness...in weakness. It's amazing the amount of freedom that is found when grace is discovered.

A new season: Rediscovering my purpose in Christ, admitting my weaknesses to Him and to people around me, allowing His healing to begin in my life, and allowing His grace to pour over me has been freeing. There is no other word. I am so not perfect. I have made mistakes that shock myself at times when they cross my mind. I cannot use my imperfections to be an excuse for me not going to God, not being in a relationship with Him, not loving Him and serving Him like He deserves. He knows my imperfections and died for my sake anyway. Love abides in Him. A new season comes when things around us change. The leaves wither away and fall to the ground to die in Autumn and Winter, but Spring is near. New life occurs in Spring. A new beginning to a relationship that has felt the sting of Winter's cold. This new season will be full of change, healing, and growth. God has already revealed so much of Himself in this new season of my life. My life is a small, broken fragment of what will be used to display the glory of God to the world. And I thank God He is working through me, I thank God that I cannot be separated from His love, and I thank God that He is willing to be patient with me as I learn what it means to love Him in return.

a woman after the heart of God...

They say there is a young lady in New Haven who is beloved of that almighty Being, who made and rules the world, and that there are certain seasons in which this great Being, in some way or other invisible, comes to her and fills her mind with exceeding sweet delight, and that she hardly cares for anything, except to meditate on him--that she expects after a while to be received up where he is, to be raised up out of the world and caught up into heaven; being assured that he loves her too well to let her remain at a distance from him always.

There she is to dwell with him, and to be ravished with his love and delight forever. Therefore, if you present all the world before her, with the richest of its treasures, she disregards it and cares not for it, and is unmindful of any pain or affliction. She has a strange sweetness in her mind, and singular purity in her affections; is most just and conscientious in all her actions; and you could not persuade her to do anything wrong or sinful, if you would give her all the world, lest she should offend this great Being.

She is of a wonderful sweetness, calmness and universal benevolence of mind; especially after those seasons in which this great God has manifested himself to her mind. She will sometimes go about from place to place, singing sweetly; and seems to be always full of joy and pleasure; and no one knows for what.

She loves to be alone, and to wander in the fields and on the mountains, and seems to have someone invisible always conversing with her.

-Jonathan Edwards speaking about his wife.

I hope that one day Jeremy will be able to say of me what Jonathan Edwards was able to say of his wife. She was a woman that was so caught up in the very presence of God that she would tend to wander about by herself, yet always seemed to be conversing with someone. Now, to some this may seem strange. But when you are so wrapped up in conversation with someone and so in awe and amazement of that person, you constantly want to be before them. You want to converse with them, speak about them, and be in constant fellowship with them. Oh, how I long to have a heart like this toward my Lord. To see Him in all aspects of life, to experience Him through others, and to be consistently focused on Him. This is my prayer today...

i can tell that we are going to be friends...

I have the greatest friends in the world. And that is no exaggeration. I have those friends that would drop whatever they were doing to come and help me and vice-a-versa. They are the type that are always encouraging me toward Christ and supporting me through life. "As iron sharpens iron..."
I say this because a couple friends of Jeremy and I are now visiting a church to potentially move away and pursue a call given to them by our God. As much as I am excited for them, having friends move away is always a tough thing. But their willingness to follow the Lord's call is overwhelmingly present in this situation. It's such a bitter-sweet time. But they have encouraged and inspired Jeremy and I to look more into what the Lord is calling us to do and to always be willing to follow His call no matter when it comes or where He calls us to go.
Last night, I told Jeremy how I am looking forward to graduating next May, but I am not looking forward to saying bye to my friends at school and around Birmingham. I know we all must go our own ways pursuing the Lord with all of our hearts, but I will miss my dear friends. Jeremy said, "You will make new friends wherever we go. God gives us people for that time in our lives and right now, you have friends for this time in your life." And what a blessing they have been! I know what Paul meant now with: I thank my God each time I remember you.

since our wedding day...

the wedding day was majestic. it could not have turned out better. i woke up that morning full of peace and complete joy. God was consistently on my mind that day and the days prior to the big day. and as i awoke that morning, He filled my mind once again with the amazing celebration i was to partake in. i could not help but to think of Him and how much i long for the day i will one day walk down that aisle toward Him...my Groom. jeremy is the greatest groom a girl could ask for, but oh how amazing my Lord is. and as much as i'm looking forward to this marriage with jeremy, i am ecstatic for the marriage i will enter into with my God. and this marriage will be perfect and complete and will never end.

the thing about marrying jeremy is that i know that no matter how great our love is for each other, it is flawed. and one day, our marriage will end when one of us parts to be with our Groom. but the marriage we have with our God will never end. and that is love. and that is perfect love. "rejoice, for the marriage supper of the Lamb has come..."

since our wedding day, jeremy and i have been to jamaica taking in the beauty of our Father's world growing together even more. we have begun the process of moving in together and getting to know each other in more personal ways than any other human has even known us. we have just been "nesting". and it has been wonderful. he's my best friend and the love he shows to me allows me to see Christ's love for me in a deeper and greater way than i ever thought possible. jeremy constantly serves me in ways that keep me in awe of him. he treats me like a princess and makes me feel special and beautiful. and there is no way he could do this apart from Christ's love being offered to him.

so, as we begin our journey, i pray that we continue to seek our God first and foremost. and that we learn to love as He loves. and that we learn to abide in Him for He is Love...

come and listen: a poem

Like a sheep gone astray,
So have I been to You.
Like a lamb wandering in the wilderness,
So my heart wanders for You.

Lead me back to the water’s edge,
That I may drink of Your mercy and grace.
Teach me while I bathe in Your love,
Of the wonders of Your ways.

Break the fetter that is binding me,
To You only will I be enslaved.
Show me the wilderness is not my prison,
But my Valley of Achor being turned into a door of hope.

Allure me to Yourself again,
For I am prone to wander on my own.
Show me Your waters abound,
And in this desert, I will no longer be alone.

You and You only are Lord of my heart.
Our enemy will no longer keep us apart.
You have rescued me once again,
O, that I would remember Your nail scarred hands.

come, let us return to the Lord

Jeremy and I have been engaged for a little over 2 months now and...wow, I am ENGAGED!!...I have still yet to get use to that word and the magnitude of it.  Since my relationship with Jeremy began, I can say that my view of my relationship with God has expanded and deepened.  

Jeremy teaches me the other attributes of God that I would have no understanding about without him.  Jeremy teaches me about the holiness of God through this "other".  Holy in the hebrew scriptures would have meant something like:  other.  To make this more clear, when we say, "the Lord is Holy, Holy, Holy", we are actually saying, "the Lord is so much of what I am not".  God is perfect and good and I, so many times, am "other".  

Jeremy shows me the other attributes of God by being the man God created him to be.  His strength draws out the very life within me.  He shows me the strong, protective, providing, and leading characteristics of God in a way that I could not understand without him.  And as much good as he shows me, this also continuously makes me see where I am miserably wrapped up in myself.  I am incredibly selfish when it comes to loving others and loving God.  I see where I am focusing more on my own wants rather than looking to the needs of others.  And this should not be the way I am acting.  I am called to care for others and to have the mind of Christ...

your attitude should be the same as that of Christ Jesus....

The more I realize my selfishness, my constant betrayal of God, I realize the depths of the hurts that I cause Him.  I show my disbelief in Him when I constantly look to things of this world to give me satisfaction.  I think that something in this world can give me more pleasure than the very One Who created me.  And so the Hosea story continues...me cheating on my God, my Love.  Me being selfish and not having the mind that says:  He satisfies.  

Father, that my mind be transformed into the likeness of Yours.    That I would decrease and allow you to increase.  That I would learn to love Jeremy with the same selfless love you offer to him.  That I would learn to love you with Love that is even more.  Amen.

you may say i'm a dreamer, but i'm not the only one...

     I need to start writing again.  I feel that a part of me has been lost since I quit writing or journaling or expressing myself in any form of written communication.  Writing to me is like like having a million pieces of life scattered on the ground and putting them all together as one beautiful picture.  Life is a beautiful mess at times that simply needs to be straightened out and somehow understood.  Like most people I know, I want to be understood and connected to the people around me.  And this is where you, my readers, come in.  You may not always understand my writings (or agree with them), but I hope that in some way you are moved or challenged.  If nothing else, I hope that you feel a sense of community in reading another person's perspective on life.  Because, I do not want to sound all John Lennon, but I believe we are all connected in some way.  Our Creator designed us to desire community and in our individualistic society, community is in need of a great revival.  "..and I hope some day you'll join us and the world will live as one." -John Lennon

"And they devoted themselves to the apostles' teaching and fellowship, to the breaking of bread and the prayers.  And awe came upon every soul, and many wonders and signs were being done through the apostles.  And all who believed were together and had all things in common.  And they were selling their possessions and belongings and distributing the proceeds to all, as any had need.  And day by day, attending the temple together and breaking bread in their homes, they received their food with glad and generous hearts, praising God and having favor with all the people.  And the Lord added to their number day by day those who were being saved."  

genesis 3: the night of the fall

Eden is quite. Two hearts beating fast is the only sound present. Tears begin to stream down the woman’s face as she realizes the depths of what she has done. The man’s eyes begin to fill with water as he realizes where his passiveness has gotten them. They tighten their garments and begin to walk east out of the garden. A tearful glimpse is cast back toward paradise lost; however, the guilty glance is not enough to redeem them.
Eden is silent. The sigh of a Lover’s breath is all that is heard. If only someone were there to hear it. He sits where He use to walk with her. He gazes at the land He created for her. His bride cheated on Him. Anger turns to sadness and pain is felt. The thought continuing to entertain His mind is: what is this thou hast done? However, Love found hope. He will allure her and bring her into the wilderness, and speak tenderly to her. And there she shall answer as in the days of her youth. And in that day, she will call Him “My Husband” and He will make a covenant with her and will betroth her to Him in righteousness, justice, steadfast love, mercy, and in faithfulness. And she will know her Lord.

live in love

"We know how much God loves us, and we have put our trust in him. God is love, and all who live in love live in God, and God lives in them." -1 John 4:16

first impressions

i never know how to start a journal. it's an exciting moment...i could say anything and there is a lot to say. but, how does one make a good first impression. let me start out with this: God starts His story with "In the beginning, God...". so now, how does my story start? i guess the same way: in the beginning, God...created me, captivated my heart, died for me, asked me to walk with Him, and now continues to reveal Himself to me in ways that astound me each day. in the beginning, God... i think this is how every story begins.